The suspense.. With my past experience of long labour due to big babies that i breed in my womb, my O&G estimated zarif's weight around 3.7kg 2 weeks b4 due date. So i chose to force him get out of my womb by going thru c-section 2 weeks b4 due date. That morning when the nurse in charged was preparing me for the c-sec, my heartbeat went wild and i was torn. I wanted to chicken out but i didn't wanna gamble and go thru another long labour. "God, is this right? Am i making a wise decision? Is it too late to back off?" Those are the questions that kept on repeating over and over again in my head when the nurse inserted a tube for urinating. And those questions made my heart gone even wilder when the nurse was wheeling me to the OR. it was a whole new experience for me bcoz my other half is not by my side like always.. At that moment, i knew that i made a terrible mistake that i'm gonna regret..
The pain.. i alwiz thot that my tolerance for pain is high. But how was i so wrong to think of that?! The pain of natural labour is great, undoubtfully.. But the painful labour ends immediately when we hear the crying sound of the gift from Allah. I didn't go thru another long labour this time tho, but i had to go thru a long long long post-op pain. The pain that hurt me physically & mentally bcoz i could not handle my baby as easy as it is supposed to be. I was in so much pain mainly bcoz i was having a bad cough that hurt the cut so badly. And my problem is i have low antibody that needs extra shots of medicine to relief me from sickness or pain. I asked for overdosed morphines but the doctor refused to give me what i wanted and gave me pain killers that didn't help that much. Well, that was the price that i had to pay..
The tears.. I cried alot after delivery. Tears of joy, tears of pain..
The happiness.. the painful experiment of my life is all worth it bcoz i have another special gift from Allah s.w.t. Syukur alhamdulillah. I'm so blessed to have such a cutie pie like zarif. He brought so much love, laughters and happiness to me and my family. He completes us. Thank you Allah for giving me this little dimples.
Happy birthday Zarif. Today you're 1. I love you and i'm anxious to raise you. You have been such a good baby, really cuddly and clingy. I feel so blessed and loved. And i love you back...
No comments:
Post a Comment